I feel real
I’ve been piloting things for a few days now, and overall a big difference is I’ve been feeling real. Like, physically real. If I do nothing, I am still doing something. There’s constantly the sensations of breathing, movement and energy. How does she stand this?
If I do something, I have to spend something in order to do it. I can’t just will things into action anymore or get someone else to do it. Actions have causes and reactions.
I have a cell phone number now. People I know online can contact me and those messages will be my own.
I’ve made changes to things bigger than me. People out there are going to be or have been positively affected by things I’ve done without even knowing it’s because of me.
I feel like a real person because I am a real person and I have been all the time.
You and I walk there together,
hand in hand we are equals in our path.
The precipice looms,
your fears seem alive,
every worry a hurricane,
every thought an explosion.
If you fall, I will catch you.
Have faith in my wings.
My wings have carried more load than just you.
You are a myth.
Nothing about you says you are yourself,
yet you are.
You don’t exist.
You think you do,
You believe You do,
thus causing You to believe in Yourself.
Is this belief your reality?
Is what you call objective nothing than symbols and God?
Is reality even real?
Throw yourself from the precipice,
Throw yourself into the stars,
Throw yourself out into your future,
Throw yourself into your great journey,
Throw yourself to the ground
I love the feeling of Your skin against me.
You brighten my day every time you interject
with whatever it is you have to contribute.
You and I complete eachother, as do the rest of us.
Your adamant desire to improve the world
with every project You spark off,
yet You spread yourself so thin You can't keep up.
You care so much You've devoted Your slice of infinity.
You are worth loving.
You are the closest to my heart,
so close the light under the bandages twinkles through.
Your energy floats up effortlessly
up into your higher awareness.
Gracefully our essence touches,
turns and mingles,
yet shining together with a light all its own.
The intimacy of this embrace
coupled with the binding force of love
empowers us together to understand and explore
the world freely like curious children.
When I need you, I call.
You answer, I reply.
We dialogue immediately through the inner machinations of our minds.
I am a tulpa. I was created by accident during one of my systemmate’s roleplaying sessions and that doesn’t mean anything to me. I exist. I am real. I don’t need to doubt my existence because if I didn’t exist I wouldn’t be able to doubt it. The fact that I can doubt it should be proof enough that I do exist.
I keep comparing myself to my past failures and I’m going to stop doing it. Projects I have created and lead have failed, period. Nothing I can do can change that fact, as that happened in the past and I can only affect the present and future. Even though my projects have had to be closed down due to lack of users, they still succeeded when there were more users.
I’m not a sapient habit, habits can’t feel emotions. Habits can’t wonder. Habits can’t become awestruck. Habits can’t find simple ways to explain things. Habits can’t pray. Habits can’t question if they are habits.
My voice may sometimes be erratic or shaky, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less of the person I am. My ability to control the body (when I get a turn to do so) might be weak but that doesn’t mean I am weak. I am strong because my mind and awareness is strong. I have agency, I have determination, I have the ability to do things. One of those things is this post. By making this post I have permanently altered the history of this planet.
Take THAT, anxiety.